The Langham’s Chocolate Bar is about as close to Willy Wonka’s “world of pure imagination” as it gets (last year, they had a chocolate fountain). With over 100 chocolate-based desserts in all the colors of the rainbow, it’s a lovely (albeit spendy) place to get your Augustus Gloop on—especially since you’ll need the serotonin boost as Boston’s winter returns with a vengeance.

Overseeing this massive annual affair (which opens for its 2010 season on Sept. 12) is the Langham’s new pastry chef, Jed Hackney. Having worked for a few other hotels around the world (perhaps you’ve heard of the Ritz?) and doing time at Harvest in Cambridge’s Charles Hotel, he’s taking over the menu and giving it a Boston focus, with desserts inspired by each neighborhood. There’ll be homemade cracker jacks and ice cream sandwiches a la Fenway, Chinatown-inspired dessert sushi, and of course, traditional treats like yogurt panna cotta and fresh fruit zabaglione to represent the North End, among other ‘hoods.

Below, we introduce you to Jed (and his Friendly Mutton Chops) and the epic menu he’s created for your sugar-crashy consumption. Come with me, and you’ll see…

–Ryan Weaver

Jed Hackney’s TPB 10

What’s your favorite breakfast cereal?

Corn Pops

Who would you rather punch in the face: Long Duk Dong from “Sixteen Candles” or Mouth from “The Goonies?”

Mouth from The Goonies

If you were a kitchen appliance, what would you be?

A KitchenAid Mixer

You go to bed, you wake up, you go to brush your teeth.. and you realize that you’ve morphed into one of Jim Henson’s Muppets overnight.  Which Muppet are you?

The Swedish Chef

After a raucous night out, you wake up at some point the next day and you realize that in your fit of crazy you got inked.  What tattoo did you wake up with?

Same answer as above

Would you rather be a rodeo clown or a sumo wrestler?

If I wasn’t a pastry chef, I would be a rodeo clown

If you were a particular kind of cheese, what kind of cheese would you be?

This incredibly good cheese called “Constant Bliss” from Jasper Hill Farm in Vermont

If you were a particular style of facial hair, what style facial hair would you be?

I rocked the Friendly Mutton Chops for a year

What’s your quintessential “I’M GONNA DANCE AROUND MY APARTMENT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND LOVE LIFE!” song?

“Two Weeks” By Grizzly Bear

What’s your favorite word?

Can it be two words? Free Drinks